Eripe me de inimicis (Psalm 59)

6.  For our Enemies
O God, the Father of all, whose Son commanded us to love our enemies:  Lead them and us from prejudice to truth; deliver them and us from hatred, cruelty, and revenge; and in your good time enable us all to stand reconciled before you; through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.

In the previous posts, I mentioned the person who fired me last March from my job of 33-1/2 years, and said that I'd probably flip him off if I saw him face to face, although I had "let go of most of the anger."  I was not ready to forgive him, not least of all because I figured he was not in the least repentant about the thing he did.  Some of the verses of Psalm 59 described the way I felt:  "For the sins of their mouths, for the words of their lips, for the cursing and lies that they utter, let them be caught in their pride.  Make an end of them in your wrath; make an end of them, and they shall be no more." Not that I wanted him to die, but I wished for him at least to feel a little bit sorry about what he did (firing me,  and even more, lying about me to keep me from collecting unemployment), even if I never learned about it.

Today I found out that he was having brain surgery, to be followed by chemotherapy.  My immediate reaction was "Damn! Now I can't even wish retribution on him any more."  My next thought was "There's the explanation for how irrational his behavior has been."  That has been followed by a few hours of feeling alternately guilty and angry that this has come up.

I wouldn't—and don't—wish physical harm, especially this sort of sickness, on anyone.  That said, I have to admit that if I had heard that he had died, I would feel, at most, mild regret that something so bad had occurred. Since instead what I heard was that he was sick, I hope he recovers fully.  But I will always wish that he hadn't connived against and lied about me.

Why I'm Happy Not To Be Going to Work Every Day

As mentioned in the previous post,  I lost my job in March.  The reason given me, after 33-1/2 years working in the aerospace industry first as a specifications writer and then as an editor, was tardiness.  Naturally, I believe that the real reason was something else, mainly the personality conflict between me and my supervisor—a man with no background, education, or ability in the field of documentation, someone who was basically a computer equipment and facilities planner.  Nothing about the situation was different than it had been at other times during my years at that company, and although I sometimes came in late, I always got in at least my required 40 hours.  The only difference was the supervisor.  The nature of my work—which I really enjoyed—meant that it was not unusual for me to need to stay later in the evening, depending on the project. 

Unfortunately, the supervisor had documented his "counseling" sessions, and I never documented any of his behavior.  The next two levels of management up from the bad guy were new to those positions, and didn't know me from Adam, although I had good working relationships with my coworkers and the people I did work for, my customers.  The universal reaction expressed, both to my face and communicated by several third parties, was disbelief that I had been fired. 

Because I was discharged "for cause," the State of Texas turned me down for unemployment compensation.  I pursued the appeals process, as far as possible without hiring a lawyer, but dropped it after the second level of appeal was denied.  One thing I learned from all this was that you should document your side of the story if you're having problems with a supervisor. 

All during that time (from March until sometime in August) I was actively but unsuccessfully looking for a job.  Fortunately, I was fully vested in the retirement program, and was able to take a lump sum that I rolled over to avoid a big tax hit (since my termination was involuntary, I avoided the tax penalty for withdrawal before age 59-1/2).  I'm still covered by COBRA, although the really ironic aspect is that at age 60 I could have retired and continued my insurance to age 65 at the same cost as if I were still employed.  Insurance had been the chief reason I turned down a fairly generous voluntary separation package in 2011.

Once I got past the initial hurt and shock, I let go of most of the anger.  Oh, I'd still probably flip off the creep if I ever saw him; but since the first quarter of 2011, out of fewer than ten employees over whom he has supervisory responsibility, six or seven people —not counting me—have either left on their own or been discharged by him.  At some point when that company is looking to thin out lower-level managers, he's going to come under some close and uncomfortable scrutiny. 

During the time I was looking for a job and appealing the state's decision, I realized that I was feeling so much better.  Don't get me wrong, I loved the work I was doing, and was proud of the job I did; but I realize now that I hated going in to deal with all his crap every day—and all the seemingly ill-advised decisions being made every day by the management farthest from the day-to-day work.  I miss the work, I miss the people, but I don't miss the situation.

After looking into several universities, things came together so that just in time for the fall semester, I was unconditionally admitted to the University of Texas at Arlington.  So I'm back in school, my first semester underway, working on a PhD in English.  I'm running as fast as I can, having a very busy but very enjoyable time.  

End of an Era

For those of my friends and family who haven't heard the news yet:

Monday, March 5, I was suddenly let go from my position as Engineering Technical Administrator Specialist ("technical editor") at one of the major aerospace companies here in the Fort Worth/Dallas metroplex. (It has long been my policy not to mention my employer online by name.) After 33-1/2 years, in the middle of the busiest season of the year for my particular job, this out-of-the-blue decision has not benefited the company or anyone else that I can determine. But it is an accomplished fact.

Thanks to all the colleagues and friends who have expressed their surprise and good wishes. I'm confident the future holds new and interesting opportunities for me. (Certainly I'll have more time to post to this blog!)